One of the most incredible moments for a husband and wife is when they find out that they are going to have a baby. I remember when I found out we were pregnant with my first born Liam. It was thanksgiving morning and I woke up to my wife holding a positive pregnancy test in front of me. It was amazing. I assumed that it would always feel like this. However, I found out, in not a delicate manner that it doesn’t always work out like that.
With our son Levi, my wife experienced some odd side affects and we were worried. When calling the doctor, he told us that we were experiencing a miscarriage It was cold. without emotion and left us shocked. We were not trying to get pregnant, and in a matter of hours we felt an incredible sense of loss. The doctor told us to come in after two weeks for a follow up. At this appointment they did an ultrasound as a precautionary method. And then it happened. I heard the distinct, strong, rhythm of a heart beat. The nurse was shocked. And so our emotional roller coaster continued. While mourning the loss of a child for two full weeks, we now celebrated the life that God in his great mercy preserved!
Fast forward a couple months I move to Bellingham, WA to accept a position with Logos Bible Software. This meant leaving my almost one year old son and pregnant wife behind a couple months to start my new job and relocated the entire family four months later. This is stressful already. The last thing you want to get is a frantic call from your wife in another state crying. During a routine blood work analysis the doctor saw some alarming results and asked if we wanted to “continue with the pregnancy”. Essentially, they asked us if we wanted an abortion. We said no, that our child was still our child regardless of what the results were.
Over the course of three week’s we were told the following:
First that Levi most likely had Edwards Syndrome (the majority of children with Edwards Syndrome do not live past 1-2 years of age).
Then that he most likely did not have Edwards Syndrome, but that it was likely that he would have Down Syndrome.
Finally, that he most likely did not have Down Syndrome, but he would be born with cysts on his kidneys.
Written words can not do justice to the emotions that we felt. Fear, anger, despair, frustration, sadness, and a loss of hope. It was during this time that my faith and affection for Christ were truly tested. Would I still love, serve, honor, and worship God if my son was:
- Never born due to a miscarriage
- Born with Edwards Syndrome
- Born with Down’s Syndrome
- Born with a Kidney disease
When we are faced with these type of challenges and fears, it causes us to consider the position of our hearts in relationship to belief, faith, trust, and hope in the Gospel. And to top things off, reading through the scriptures, I do not see promises of pure prosperity. wealth, and health (Matthew 24:9). I see stories and examples of the worst of people, and the worst of circumstances, that God uses to redeem, restore, and ultimately glorify Himself.
Levi John Muddamalle (minutes old)
And then on January 27th, at 3:48am, after 15 minutes of pushing, baby Levi John Muddamalle joined us. He was perfect. He was healthy. He had a full head of black hair. And he a great set of lungs. A day later they took an ultra sound of his kidneys and saw that they were perfectly fine! Holding my two day old son I reflected on the journey we had been through. Then it hit me. What would have happened to this incredibly beautiful life if we chose to “discontinue the pregnancy”? How many parents make that type of decision based on the results of tests? How many of those results are wrong?
The journey that we went through caused us to grow in our love and deep affection for Christ. It left us trusting in the sovereignty of God. Levi’s life is an example of God’s great grace. His story will be one that magnifies God’s immense glory.
Memoirs To My Kids 